Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
