Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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