If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
