I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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