Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
