he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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