I need to stop coming to work sober
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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