Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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