Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
