dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
