Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
