I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
