toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
