brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila