its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
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I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
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Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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