"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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