My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
