We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
