You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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