Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
