just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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