He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
