i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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