Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
