just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
