I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
