Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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