Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
