don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So squirting runs in the family.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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