I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
