i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
