oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
