that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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