New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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