he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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