You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm just crazy horny about you
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
