oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
