What a fucking waste of an outfit
farters have to be the big spoon...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
