OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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