is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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