i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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