So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
