When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
