she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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