Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
