My nipple is on Facebook.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
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