I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
