where does the pee come out of this thing
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
