I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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