As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
