do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
