Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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