he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
