Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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