Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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