youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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