Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
