there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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