I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
