We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
