mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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